We have not gone for a family holiday where all 4 of us are together in, like, 3 years.

This year we have a perfect excuse – my sister’s graduation renders some form of celebration isn’t it.

So we are planning to go to Italy and/or Spain for ~2 weeks in June. This IS a big (and very exciting!) project.

Not cheap too – the cheapest reasonable quote that I can find online now is $1483/pax to Rome / $1431/pax to Barcelona on QR. There are cheaper quotes, ranging at around $1200 – but it will involve the Emirates SIN – Colombo – Dubai flight that departs midnight and stops over every 4 hours rendering sleep almost impossible. I don’t think my parents can take it.

SQ, eh, even if my parents are willing to pay for it, I am still a little uneasy forking out so much more money for just a flight… But well, not everyone is UA trained I guess :P

Love is the central premise of Christianity. The basis of grace is love. Apostle Paul reminded us – we can be extremely talented, extremely faithful, extremely generous and altruistic, but if we have not love, we are nothing. Faith, hope and love – and love is the most important (1 Cor 13:1-3, 13).

The only way to respond to grace is to love God.

I know that there are 3 forms of love in Greek: 1) Agape, i.e. unconditional love between God and man; 2) Philos, bonding love between parents and children, comrades, close friends; 3) Eros, romantic love between a man and a woman.

Paul, in 1 Cor 13, also told us what the characteristics of love are (patient, kind, does not envy…). The bible has also told us – Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8).

Yup I think I can pass if I have to write an essay explaining what is ‘love’. Ya ya ya. But does that mean I can really pinpoint exactly what it is within myself?

I am not exactly someone that have strong feelings about anything. I like my work – it is what I enjoy doing and I think I can make a future out of it – but I would be hard pressed to say that I am passionate about it. I do volunteering just because I want to do it and was inspired by people along the way, not particularly because I have a ‘calling’ or I feel that I need to do something about injustice in this world. I know that is rubbish.

Thus – I tried to dig for some form of feeling by attaching love to people whom I, by worldly theoretical definitions, should love, including God. I, erm, can’t find anything passionate, as I would have expected. This is like my sense of fashion – it is something that is just missing from me.

All I can find is 1) how much I would open myself to the person 2) how much I would be willing to sacrifice for the person 3) how much I care about the person. Is that love? Maybe. I don’t know.

I do know as fact though – passion is usually not a good thing. Usually passion cannot be sustained, that’s one; passion brings the heart over the mind too much, resulting in senseless decisions, that’s two; passion can make people utterly illogical and unreasonable, that’s three. I have to thank God that he spared me this – but this on the other hand, caused me to have no clue how to purposefully express love of any kind. I can’t be romantic for nuts, nor can I say ‘I am giving this piece of my liver to my mum’ in a way that will touch millions of hearts as an inspirational story, nor can I easily pledge loudly in public ‘I will give my life totally in God’s service’.

But that doesn’t mean that I won’t give that piece of my liver to my mum when she needs it, or I won’t at least try to give my life in God’s service.

I think in this respect I totally am like my father – one who actually proposed to my mum with ONE rose from the market with the stem wrapped in some pink wax paper that the fruit stalls use to wrap pears. 虎父無犬子. Heh. I can totally see that happening to me (okay I don’t mean the ONE rose but I mean I might TRY to be romantic, though, I would FAIL miserably).

Haha many people have also commented on the fact that they don’t see me get mad at anything or anyone at all. This probably can be attributed to my lack of passion as well – a lot of things doesn’t matter to me.

But does it mean that I don’t love and I don’t get angry at all? You probably can’t feel it or sense it very obviously from me. Some of my friends who aren’t Christians have also commented that I don’t look or behave like a Christian – I would always ask, so how is a Christian supposed to behave?

One would probably need time as well as the other indicators about me to find out whether I love and whether I get angry at all. I am logical, unemotional and I lack passion – that makes it difficult for me to express these feelings outwardly because I don’t strongly feel them. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love and I don’t get angry – you will know; it just takes time…

不是嗎 – 每天晚上回家有飯食, 有湯飲, 還想怎樣…

風 悠悠的風 悠然在這一刻晚空
遙遙遠山 靜靜遠海 淡淡新月已漸上

風 悠悠的風 悠然在這一刻晚空
遙遙晚舟 寂寂晚鐘 默默燈火已漸上

豆腐青菜 鹹魚瘦肉 預備筷子 預備煲湯 陣陣米香
預備你喜歡的能手菜

風 悠悠的風 悠然在這一刻晚空
遙遙遠山 靜靜遠海 默默看星星閃閃爍

預備洗菜 預備切肉 豆豉爆雞 豆腐煮魚 臘肉芥蘭
味味你喜歡的能手菜

煙 陣陣炊煙 悠然在這一刻晚天
徐徐晚風 默默晚鐘 靜待你返屋企晚飯

Don’t underestimate the importance of things that are small.

It is very natural for us to tend to embark on careers that are exciting, aim towards achievements that are significant, and it is very natural for others to expect us to do that as well.

However, if everyone thinks this way – who will be willing to do things that are important yet insignificant as they seem? And, who will be giving the recognition and the resources needed for these things to continue to function effectively?

Just as paediatrics does not attract the best doctors in the US (when it actually needs the best doctors) because it doesn’t bring money to the doctors (and – that is partially also because of the insane loan medical students incur), in Singapore, axillary medical services – such as physiotherapy, nursing, occupational therapy, etc. are also unable to attract the best possible talents because of similar reasons.

Lack of recognition, below optimal funding, insufficient returns – resulting in chronic shortage of manpower and below-optimal level of service in certain institutions.

I mean, when you are sick or old, you will know how important these things are…

To God be the glory.

When I am down, and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then I am still waiting in the silence
Until you come and sit a while with me

You raise me up
So I can stand on mountains
You raise me up
To walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up
To more than I can be

Just now I was having crab at Ghim Moh with a bunch of friends from work.

We have

1) a Singaporean
2) a Singaporean – with a tinge of Australia
3) a Singaporean/Hongkonger – with a tinge of America
4) an Irish/Malaysian
5) a Hongkonger
6) a Japanese and
7) a German.

I thought that was pretty awesome.

Kh asked me during small group yesterday a question which I really don’t know how to answer properly.

He asked me how I felt when I was waiting for results from Duke-NUS. He probably expected that I would say something like I was anxious and how I dealt with it etc.

But the truth is, I wasn’t anxious at all – and I am not going to lie about that.

I thought very hard for quite a while to find a water-down answer which will make me sound less boastful – to no avail. So I just said that I wasn’t anxious and explained why – I hope no one will have the impression that I was boasting because I really do not intend that.

The reasons why I wasn’t anxious was because, 1) I was quite confident of my application and interview, 2) I knew, even if I didn’t get in anywhere this round (Duke-NUS, Stanford, UCSF) I could just apply again next year, back to Hopkins and to the UK, and I will get to go somewhere. Thus, I didn’t even bother thinking about it after I have gone for Duke’s interview. I was just preparing for the US interviews until I knew I didn’t have to go.

To summarise – I didn’t care. I did what I can do while material was still in my hands. After that, I was relieved that all was over and just got on with life. I had been working on this since I was on holiday in Peru last year – if I don’t get it, God doesn’t intend me to get it.

It is not entirely true that there wasn’t any instance where I was doubtful. Anyway though, I just stopped reading that Facebook thread and went to watch some trash on Youtube instead… And tried not to think about it when I was on my way to work or something.

I don’t know how I adopted this attitude… I mean, how could I not have cared? I wasn’t exactly putting a lot of heart into my US applications; I was on the verge of submitting Harvard’s form but fell short because, I am not kidding – I wanted to save that $105. On the other hand, I did so much for Duke-NUS… I started asking around for opinion and tried to find things out regarding the programme since August 2008; prepared for my MCAT while I was on my hiking holiday and through a bad cold I had while Baltimore was 0 degF cold; went through all the essays and interviews and then essays and interviews again…

AND I didn’t feel like I have to care in the end. Why?

I am quite anxious over something else these days though. I have been praying for that – though if you can, help me pray that I will be able to put my trust in God and let him lead my way. I really need that now… I mean, this is in addition to my failing experiments…

1 Corinthians 13 1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

哥林多前書  第十三章 1我若能說人間的方言，甚至天使的語言，卻沒有愛，我就成為鳴的鑼、響的鈸一般。2我若有先知講道的能力，也明白各樣的奧秘，各樣的知識，而且有齊備的信心，使我能夠移山，卻沒有愛，我就算不了甚麼。3我若將所有的財產救濟窮人，又犧牲自己的身體讓人誇讚，卻沒有愛，仍然對我無益。 4愛是恆久忍耐；愛是仁慈，不嫉妒；愛是不自誇，不張狂，5不做無禮的事，不求自己的益處，不輕易發怒，不計算人的惡，6不喜歡不義，只喜歡真理；7凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。 8愛永遠不止息。先知講道的能力終必消逝；說方言之能終必停止；知識也終必消逝。9我們現在所知道的有限，先知所講的也有限，10等那完全的來到，這有限的必消逝。11我作孩子的時候，說話像孩子，心思像孩子，意念像孩子；既長大成人，就把孩子的事丟棄了。12我們現在是對著鏡子觀看，模糊不清；到那時，就要面對面了。我如今所認識的有限，到那時就全認識，如同主認識我一樣。 13如今常存的有這三樣：信，望，愛；其中最大的是愛。



All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful:
the Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
each little bird that sings,
God made their glowing colors,
and made their tiny wings.

The purple-headed mountains,
the river running by,
the sunset and the morning
that brightens up the sky.

The cold wind in the winter,
the pleasant summer sun,
the ripe fruits in the garden:
God made them every one.

God gave us eyes to see them,
and lips that we might tell
how great is God Almighty,
who has made all things well.

Nowadays the hottest topic among the scholars is – graduate school. When a group of scholars gather, we will HAVE to talk about it.

And I note with significant interest that: people are careful of what they are telling others. Except among the closer friends – we generally don’t want to upset others about the actual offers or the interview offers that we got. It is because – only among close friends that you will genuinely feel happy for him/her. For the rest, it is likely either that you are indifferent, or you would just be jealous (‘he is not better than me what why am I rejected but he is not!’), or that makes you anxious because ‘he got it and I still haven’t!!!!’

I am already passed that. Some of my closer friends have already known (I am sorry I am kind of slow in getting to everyone… If you are reading this, you should know what I mean!). I am very happy that I can eventually fulfill my dream – one that is delayed for five years, but I am truly grateful that it is so delayed.

In those years I realised some bits of my purpose – and I will continue to seek it in this new opportunity opened up in front of me!

Going to Malaysia for trekking tomorrow!